Can’t Wait for this Shit to End
By Philip Miller
Prison really sucks. I mean it REALLY sucks. Of course, I might just be overreacting to the overly warm sense of hospitality provided by my benefactors. I can’t receive this treatment just anywhere, you know. Really, where else could I have someone bang a baton against metal bars in order to wake me up at 5:30 in the morning? Loud banging that is immediately followed by the question, “Where are you going this morning?” The combination of the noise and that godforsaken question makes me want to say, “Hmm, lets see. I have a choice of, what three different buildings? How about we close our eyes and pick one out of a fucking hat!” Unfortunately, the rules of diplomacy dictate otherwise, and I grudgingly answer, “school”. I can’t wait for this shit to end.
Besides the early morning wake up call, I would be remiss if I didn’t speak of the mass confusion that permeates this dilapidated microcosm. The motto assigned to that confusion is called, “hurry up and wait.” Yes, the ever so clever dungeon keeps juxtapose those contradictory ideas each day. It starts with a simple announcement: “Chapel Run going out!” and “Last call on Chapel Run!” Everyone within earshot realizes that if you’re going to the chapel, it’s time to leave right now. Surprisingly, as soon as I take the first step into the hallway, I’m told, “Stand by. WE didn’t call chapel yet.” As I try to process what the fuck is going on, I stand quietly in a state of perplexity. I know damned well that the chapel run was just announced. Arguing is futile so waiting is the only option. Then along comes a sergeant. The sergeant asks the officer, “why are these guys still here? Didn’t the chapel run go out already?” As if a light just lit the fuck up in his uniquely brilliant mind, the officer says, “Okay, Chapel is going out.” I look at the prisoner beside me and, without saying a word, we both know what the other is thinking: this has to be the only place that would hire these people. Alas, the confusion does not end there. Halfway down the hallway, another officer stops the entire group and says, “where are you guys coming from and where are you going?” Okay, let’s pause for a moment. Is it me, or do the officers here compete with each other for the “stupidest person alive” award? Before the officer needlessly halted our journey, we were all walking in the direction of the Chapel, which lies only 30 feet away. IN this part of the hallway, there is literally no other place to go except the Chapel. I understand that this officer might be some world-renowned theorist of existence and non-existence coexisting in a formless vacuum, but give me a fucking break! The group stands there silently, refusing to dignify the officer’s stupidity with any form of acknowledgment. Finally, another officer comes along and says, “Why are you guys just standing here? Keep it moving.” What the fuck is wrong with these people! I can’t wait for this shit to be over.
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