By Kenyatta
Those behinds are not real.
First of all, understand something: in here, there are several subscriptions to every magazine that might maybe possibly occasionally show the least the smallest little bit of leg or cleavage. I don’t mean just the obvious — Hustler, Penthouse, Buttman, BVI (oh, please, don’t act like you don’t know) — I mean Victoria’s Secret, SI Swimsuit Edition, Cosmo, whatever. I saw one cat with a copy of “Croation Nun Quarterly” (and he wasn’t going to let it go either). So with all these ever-present photos of the female physique, I couldn’t help but notice a new trend.
Posterior-tively ass-tronomical booty size.
I’m not talking about J-Lo sized butts, not even back when she was on In Livin’ Color. I’m talking about good-sized midgets on these women’s lower backs. I’m talking about twin basketballs inflated to just over regulation standards. When you see them, you just know that they couldn’t possibly be real — but, oh, you hope they are.
I suppose I’ve tipped my hand. I like big butts, and I cannot lie. And before anyone calls me a hypocrite, considering how I’ve stressed not adding to the pressure that girls feel not to look a certain way, let me clear; your booty’s girth does not determine your worth. There are so many different features that appeal to so many different people, any number of folks are attracted to exactly who are you.
But for me, butt for me.
Seriously. The point is, the size of the average gluteus on the women labeled attractive has grown quite a bit. Dress the girl in a pair of jeans, and it looks like she’s smuggling a volkswagon. They have to be taking some sort of supplement or something, or having surgery done. Every butt can’t look like that; that’s what makes people extraordinary, because they have unusual characteristics. Then again, I’m not exactly seeing those butts on any of the women in the prison halls– though a couple come close. I suppose it’s not that far off.
Fir there were face lifts. Then every chick with some cash grew breasts like Pamela Anderson. After that, thin lipped women all over Amertica took two weeks off of work and came back looking like Angelina Jolie. Now I guess the new thing is butt jobs in Brazil. Well, I know I should be saying what a shame that is, but we agreed to be honest.
The gluteus is beauteous and I ain’t mad.
